25 Oct 05
Few people know what diverticulitis is. Even among those who do, only a few know the
etymology of the word. It comes from a small group of South Pacific islands in the Pearl
Sea where it is quite common. Do you know where the Coral Sea is? The Pearl Sea is
right next door. The Coral Sea has coral; the Pearl Sea has pearls. It also has a strange
breed of octopus O. oculess - they are hard of seeing. The only way they can procreate is
by tickling. It is a little known fact that mature female octopi giggle when tickled. So when
a male oculess encounters something, the first thing he does is tickle it to see if it giggles.
If it does, then he knows it is a nubile female octopus. He then proceeds to inseminate her
by inserting a sperm packet into an orifice between two of her legs. They then both swim
away happy as can be.
It didn't take long for the local pearl divers to discover this mating ritual. And that’s why
they never giggle. No matter how hard they are tickled. They practice long and hard to not
giggle when tickled. It involves a lot of straining and grunting, which sometimes leads to a
debilitating lower bowel disorder that the locals call diver tickleitis. QED.
So, if you have diverticulitis (di-ver-tic-ul-i-tis) (sic), you might not want to go to the Pearl
Sea islands, but if you do go, stay out of the water. And giggle a lot. At least never try to
suppress a giggle. Avoid straining and grunting. A judicious selection of high fiber fruits,
nuts, vegetables, and grains in your diet should be efficacious.
Few people know what diverticulitis is. Even among those who do, only a few know the
etymology of the word. It comes from a small group of South Pacific islands in the Pearl
Sea where it is quite common. Do you know where the Coral Sea is? The Pearl Sea is
right next door. The Coral Sea has coral; the Pearl Sea has pearls. It also has a strange
breed of octopus O. oculess - they are hard of seeing. The only way they can procreate is
by tickling. It is a little known fact that mature female octopi giggle when tickled. So when
a male oculess encounters something, the first thing he does is tickle it to see if it giggles.
If it does, then he knows it is a nubile female octopus. He then proceeds to inseminate her
by inserting a sperm packet into an orifice between two of her legs. They then both swim
away happy as can be.
It didn't take long for the local pearl divers to discover this mating ritual. And that’s why
they never giggle. No matter how hard they are tickled. They practice long and hard to not
giggle when tickled. It involves a lot of straining and grunting, which sometimes leads to a
debilitating lower bowel disorder that the locals call diver tickleitis. QED.
So, if you have diverticulitis (di-ver-tic-ul-i-tis) (sic), you might not want to go to the Pearl
Sea islands, but if you do go, stay out of the water. And giggle a lot. At least never try to
suppress a giggle. Avoid straining and grunting. A judicious selection of high fiber fruits,
nuts, vegetables, and grains in your diet should be efficacious.
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| The Etymology of Diver-Ticulitis by Nick Kluznick |